I recommend marrying young.
Oddly enough, I haven’t always said that.
In my early 20s, I pictured myself waiting until I had crossed the 30 year old mark before marriage would even be a consideration. I was too focused on the call of God on my life to be “distracted” with the responsibilities of a wife.
Then something happened.
I met Lindsey and fell in love with her.
I changed my definition of “distraction.”
I got married at 22.
And I don’t regret it for a second.
It is interesting however to listen to other people talk about marriage. How “tough” and “hard” it is, how it’s “not going to be anything like you think” and “you just better buckle up because, boy, it’s just… yeah… it’s just… really… something.”
Is marriage challenging? Sure. At first.
Does it get easier? Absolutely.
It gets easier if – and only if – we do it God’s way. If we fight for our way then it’s sure to be a long, long journey.
The story of Adam and Eve in Eden beautifully lays out a few secrets – I call them Garden Secrets – to creating a healthy, vibrant, intimate marriage.
I want to discuss one here. There will be more to come in future posts.
Here is the first secret:
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Gen 2:24 KJV).
Did you catch it? Watch the progression in this verse.
The ultimate goal is to become one. More on that topic later.
But prior to becoming one, husband and wife must cleave together. And that means more than just sex.
Yet, prior to cleaving, the man and woman must leave their father and mother.
This is the first key, and without it true oneness will never – I repeat, never – happen.
Before you become one you must cleave; before you cleave you must leave.
This is really what God is saying: you must get everyone else out of your marriage.
- Get your girlfriends out.
- Get your buddies at work out.
- Get your mom and dad, mother-in-law and father-in-law out out of your business. Unless your life is in danger then get. them. out.
- Some people need to get their children out of their marriages.
- And dear God a whole society needs to get Facebook out.
I recently spoke to a young man interested in proposing to his girlfriend of 5+ years. However, his apprehension was that every time they argued, she called her mother and enlisted her help. Oftentimes he was left to work through the conflict with just the mother because the girl “couldn’t even deal right now.”
We are talking about two young adults in their 20s.
When you get married, the bond with your parents and immediate family breaks – in a healthy sense – and now your primary bond is with your spouse. Your new relationship with your husband or wife is more significant before God than the relationship with your family of origin.
It’s the order of the Garden.
I have a number of newly married couples in our church and even on our leadership team. There is something powerful when a young man and his wife launch out from everything they’ve ever known and it becomes them versus the world. The reality is you will never grow as close as you could to your spouse until you experience being the only person each other has.
That’s why if you don’t have the strength or courage to leave, then you are not ready to cleave.
That’s why I’ve started recommended to new couples: when you get married, immediately move away and spend at least two years with just you and your spouse in a new city or place. Something deep develops inside you when on Friday night you don’t have friends or family to go hang out with. All you have is each other.
What’s going on? You are becoming one.
And there’s nothing like it in the entire world.